Becoming A Parent, Do The Adventures End?

Dear Fellow Nature Guide and Backcountry Explorer, 

In past conversation we have talked extensively about the pros and cons of leaving our lives  of adventure in the bush behind for the foggy tedium of parenthood. I know I will likely not  get the chance to tell you this, but maybe a divine hand will guide this message to you one  day.  

I want to state unequivocably that I believe being a father is worth almost any sacrifice.  

I understand the allure of adventure and the call of the wild, I really do. I have vivid  memories of riding a whitewater rapid and feeling from the depths of my heart that if love  never found me, I would be content so long as there were rivers and rapids.  

I dreamed of going to Africa and was shocked to find that the dream paled when compared  to the red-hot, heart-stopping reality that the bush is. The trumpet of an elephant in the  early morning, a fresh lion track at dusk, a lazy afternoon watching dwarf mongooses play.  The crank of a diesel engine and the feel of the wheels rolling over grassy hummocks as the  search of a lifetime begins, for the second time that day. 

I’ve set foot on a boat at sea and felt the wind in my sails. I’ve felt the thrill as earth is left  behind and the thrumming sound of jet engines becomes my world as my homeland is left  a world away.  

I’ve backpacked across the Mojave, the Sonora, the Lowveld, canyon country and  mountains. I’ve blown an axel while driving a jeep up a rocky road and waded deep rivers in  an ancient pickup.  

None of these fill me the way a poke in the eye at 6:30 am does. 

None of these will be equal to the giggles of my son as he grabs my face and lets me know that 6:30 is a perfectly good time to be awake.  

None of these will smile so broadly the eyes disappear when they see that daddy is awake  now.  

None will shriek with absolute delight as they are picked up and tossed around the bed.  And this is only five minutes into my morning. 

My soul has always longed for the wild things and wild places, I have found some of the  most meaningful moments of my existence in remote places. But nothing could have made  me realize the absolute gift it is to be a father, except becoming one.  

The statement that adventure brings happiness, but nothing brings peace like finding  purpose and meaning, is so oft repeated that it has become a trope. But the reality is that  nothing has brought meaning and peace to my heart like giving up everything I wanted, to  get everything that matters.  

Leeo, Kendall, Joe, Jo, David. These are just some of the folks I have met who gave up  everything to pursue that lotus flower we call adventure and the wild. Husbands. Wives.  Relationships with children. Having children. Friends. Grandchildren. These are what were  burned on the pyre by these people. Do they see their families? Sure they do, but it is  foolish to say that those relationships have not been harmed or strained by the choice to  say they mattered less than another wild sunrise.  

For some of them it is too late to change. Joe led a fantastical life, but there will be no one  coming to the nursing home to visit him. David has fathered many children, but his desert  obsession has kept him from them. He won’t meet all his grandchildren. 

I don’t blame these people for choosing what they did, they have their own sets of values  and that is fine. But you are on the razor’s edge of age. Time is not your ally any longer, the  time to decide if having a family matters more to you than your current style of living is now.  

My belief in the value of family has been shaped by all these experiences, and by too many  sunsets seen alone. Not one of those experiences I shared earlier is better for not having  had someone I love with me. Yes, having a child will alter your life. No, you won’t be able to  live as you have lived.  

But remember when I said “almost any sacrifice”? That is because I don’t believe you can  be a good father if you give up who you are for your child. Don’t give up the bush, just alter  how you visit it. Don’t give up the thrill of a sunrise in a new place, just thrill in it from a  family-sized tent. Do these things that light up your soul, but do them with a pair of tiny  eyes and tiny hands flapping with excitement.  

And know that you are doing the only thing that really will change the world forever: leaving  someone behind after you are gone.